Taking my life day by day, step by step.

Hello,

   Last night SUCKED! I thought sure I was over my suicidal thoughts… and the self-harm. The worst part is a few weeks ago my friend took my knife and I promised her I wouldn’t use anything else but I did anyway. I’m dissapointed in myself. I didn’t need to do it. It didn’t even give me the same feeling inside that it usually does. This time all I could feel was the knife hitting my skin and the sadness taking over… getting the best of me. I just want so baddly for these feelings to stop. They’re not getting me anywhere. Writting about how I feel is supposed to help but it’s not so I’m gonna go.

Yume667

Hello,

    I’m in what I consider a “new mood.” A “new mood” is a mood that I haven’t been in in awhile. Today I’m happy…. it’s weird but I’m not complainting. I talked it out with my friend last night so I’m feeling better about that…. and I also talked it out woth my brother. This mornig I had a really good conversation with a friend I haven’t spoken with in awhile. So I’m happy about that too.

Yume667

Hello,

   It’s looking like today is the day of dissapointment I was talking about yeserday. I’m hoping its not and I really don’t want to belive that it is but I get the feeling that it is… The title “Unsure Dissapointment” wasn’t a joke or just some poetic spew… I’m really not sure if it is the day of dissapointment or not… I’m supposed to be writing to her now but I’ll do that later… I’m wondering if I even matter to her anymore… she didn’t even seem to care that I was sitting there crying… why do people do that? At first they’ll be all there for you and soon but not too soon you begin to drift apart whether or not you want to. I wonder… if I landed myself in the hospital one way or another would she be by my side? As you can tell I’m really depressed today. I’m hungry though so I’m going to go eat…

                                                                                      Yume667

Hello,

   Today is an unusual day. I seem happy yet I know how trully sad I am inside. I feel happy… I simply don’t understand how I can go from extreemly depressed to only mildly depressed in a week. Not that I’m not happy that I’m not as depressed anymore but I’m simply confused… Droping 27 points on your depression in a week without the aid of a medication usually doesn’t happen… I realized today that someday the person I was talking about will disapoint me but she’s only humman I can’t expect her not to… I just hope that that day is a VERY long time from now… I felt like cutting again this morning. I wish I could stop these feelings. I feel happy but very extreemly sad at the same time and I don’t understand why. I want so badly to be genuinely/purly happy but I just don’t know how to get there right now. I wish I did. I’m feeling happy yet still depressed and confused at the same time. My friend I was talking about yesterday said there would be some withdrawls from the self-harm but I didn’t want to belive her and now 5 weeks later I realize that I did go through those withdrawls which is what is causing this feeling of happiness. I’ve pushed past the heaviest bits of withdrawls now it’s just the small things every once in awhile that I have to deal with. Wish me luck with continuing to get better!

                                                   Yume667

Hello,

  This is my first entry so I’ll introduce myself… I’m 13 years old and I’m a Dancer. I’ve been dancing for 10 years now so it’s my Life. I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t dance anymore. I used to self-harm and I found a friend who was willing to help no matter what. She helped me quit and she accepted my knife because she knew that it would help. Her hands were trembling like crazy when I gave it to her but she didn’t care. Just Last week on my depression test I scored a 67 and now because of her I’m down to 41! Exciting! The past three weeks that she has helped me stay dedicated to quitting self-harm. There have been points where the depression was much worse than usual and much less as well. I don’t take any kind of medication for my depression so I have to really take advantage of the fact that there are people out there willing to help. This message was originally just going to be Hello world and thats it but writting things down is what I’m supposed to be doing thus you are reading this now… I hope that my depression scores will continue to drop.

                                                            Yume667