Taking my life day by day, step by step.

  Today during lunch the guy I really like was totally rude… as I walked toward him when I was going to hang out with my friends -who were on the other side of “the quad” so of course I had no other option- he glared at me and walked away as if I was going to come up to him?! Yeah right after the way he had treated me during the previous period! I totally don’t like him anymore. Yeah if he does ask me out - wich he won’t - I’ll say yeah but I can’t stand him anymore! Today during dance I sat out of Hip hop and I don’t even know why… I just sorta didn’t want to do hip hop then I got sick so I guess it was good I sat out but I KNOW I could’ve stuck it out for the last hour of the day… this week has sucked all together… and now one of my friends I can’t talk to without the police “being involved.” I don’t even know what is happening to me… happy halloween if you can stand the amount of caffene and chocolate

  So last night was homecoming and at first I didn’t think it was going to be all that great but it turned out to be amzing! Everyone said I looked geourgous. I had alot of fun after I started actually moshing and I danced with Richard (he’s gay) and also Shanna, Monica, Ona, Jo, and a few other people and then all the preps thought it was lame lol mostly because the landed in the Drama pit rather than just getting over all their petty little issues and having a load of fun moshing. The guy I went for I never actually saw (he probably didn’t mosh.) But this guy wasn’t my date although I was hoping he’d ask me to dance. But, as I said, I never even saw him once… I feel like such a young kid again with the way I feel about him… It’s like puppy love or the technical term would be “infatuation.” I start stumbling around him and I get butterflies in my stomach when I’m around him he flirts with me everyday during math then after math I have lunch so he sits near my lunch table and after I’m done eating I’ll go over to the “Emo wall” and once he comes out of the cafatiria I’ll go sit near him outside and he keeps looking over at me and I want him to talk to me already! Grrr… I want him to ask me out! lol yeah, thats how my school life is lately AMAZING

P.S. go to http://www.dance.net/topic/7675031/1/Poetry/Thunderstorm-Edited.html&replies=0 for the edited version of “Thunderstorm”

   On friday I was sitting down at the creek off the nature path at Allen Dale ELEMENTRY and there was no way to get across the creek or anything but even if you did manage you would’ve landed in a wall of blackberry bushes.
Some creep comes up to me and asked me if I had CIGERRETS (remember: I was cornered and at an elemntry school) and I said no, why would someone be so dumb as to bring cigs to a school for very young children right? oh yeah, and of all things this was during the young kids soccer and football practice. then after I told him I had no cigs (i dont smoke) he asked me if i wanted to ride him a bit?!?!?!?!?! and i said NO! and then he started asking me my name and my age and I didn’t even answer… I was very lucky to have gotten out of this and I was very lucky that he was not adimate about ME riding him… This will not work for anyone ever because this was very much so by chance, I said as I was reaching for my phone and debating wether to call my dad or the cops “Can you go away please? like far away?!” and extreemly suprisingly he did, so it looked, I was crouched over as I was getting up and looking through the trees to see if he was actually gone and he was, luckly, the track is right at the gate of the nature path and since he had rollerbaldes on it was quite easy for him to get away - just as easy as it was for him to very scilently come up to me- and since he was “leaving me alone” he was rollerblading with his back in the perfect direction for me to RUN and to be honest you will never know just how fast you can run unless you are in a situation like this very unluckly the door to my mother’s classroom was closed and locked so I yelled in the window to open the door and finally when my dad did come to the door I had to squeeze into the door as the creep who’s so called name is john was riding back toward me now that he was on the playground area of the blacktop my dad thought I was joking around at first until I TOLD HIM WHAT HAPPEND this is really important please, please, please, if you are EVER in a situation even remotly like this talk to an authority about it ASWELL AS your PARENTS… so thats my story… I hope that if anything like this has ever happend to you or happens in the future that you talk to your parents about it… DON”T EVER BE AFRAID TO RUN EVEN IF YOU ARE CORNERED… this post goes out to girls yes but, guys can be sexually herased too even though its rare it does happen… now, about how im feeling now… yes, im scared shitless right now but no, i do not want empathy or simpathy… I just want someone i can talk to.

  Okay so, I had my first pointe class on wednesday and apperently I wasn’t supposed to cut the elastic in half but thats okay because the only reason is the way it looks so I’ll change it for the preformance. Good news is, I have progressed alot quicker than the other girls… I can already do alot of things the other’s can’t. Bad news… Grants Pass High sucks as far as where I want to go in life and I really want to audition for walnut hill… but the down side to that is loosing my record at All That Jazz… I would LOVE to go there… the most prestigous arts HIGH SCHOOL in the US… not to mention the only one of any qualite toward what I enjoy… I would really like going there… I wouldn’t dread going to school everyday and even better… I wouldn’t dread coming home from dance everyday…

  Okay so I had my first pointe shoe fitting yesterday and it took a suprisingly short time around 30 min. In the store the shoes I bought felt great but now I feel a sinking feeling in them when I place one foot en pointe and not the other. This I am afraid of discouraging me to continue my quest through the next 5 years or so to finding the perfect shoe. I’m afraid the pain of working through these shoes and hoping that it is simply a slight lack of strength will cause me to not contiue on in my journey… Dance is what I live for (litteraly) so if I get discouraged I’m pretty much screwed. Everyday I come home from dance and cry because it either hurts so freaken bad (tap causes hips to hurt) or I’m not progressing as much as the other girls or as quickly. I feel like a rusty old tin can…

  When I say the world I mean my friends and not my family. When I say truth I mean a feeling deep down that I can’t and won’t ignore anylonger. I am bi. I don’t like anyone right now. Yes, as said long before there is a girl I am in love with but not like that… I don’t know how my friends will react yet… I’ve told two and another one found out. One was kinda awkward about it and the other I’m wondering if they are like freaking out right now cause as soon as I told them they went off-line so I’m really nervous about telling people. I’m anti-social so this is gonna be really tough. I decided that I WILL NOT tell ANYONE at dance. They don’t nessisarly think of people like me very highly. I have one person in mind at dance that I should tell but then again, not a good idea… so world, I said it… I’m bi… what are you gonna do about it? Kill me? Send me to hell? Too late, the job is already going to be done.